9/28/2016 - Edmond, OK -- If you're an off-duty police officer and you're going to go to the lake for a little alcohol induced R&R, let me give you two pieces of advice.... One, don't be a total douche-bag and proclaim, "I'm an Edmond cop so I can do whatever I want". Two, don't engage in public nudity if there is any chance whatsoever your penis might be mistaken for your thumb!
Because there's a pretty big anti-cop sentiment within the public right now, and, the average male thumb is only 2.74 inches long!
Unfortunately, an Edmond, Oklahoma police officer is accused of not following either of those rules.
According to court documents filed yesterday, 30-year-old Colter Stearns Morey is facing a single misdemeanor count of outraging public decency.
Morey's problems began when he decided to go with some friends to Lake Arcadia last July.
That's when, according to witnesses, Morey became drunk and belligerent, removed his swim trunks, trespassed onto other people's boats, and called a group of women "sluts."
Why on Earth would Morey think he could get away with such behavior? Well, according to witnesses... Morey announced several times that he was a City of Edmond Police Officer and could do anything he damn well wanted to.
In case you're thinking this was probably just a one-time, isolated event - think again.
Also according to witnesses... "[Morey] has caused problems out there before, and he tends to cause problems."
The Edmond Police Dept. apparently takes all of this very seriously and conducted a thorough investigation that is outlined in an 18-page probable cause affidavit (FYI - You don't see 18-page PCA's in sex trafficking or drug investigations).
According to most everyone that was interviewed - and, the interviews were extensive and even included a female special agent with the FBI (who advises defendants NOT to take polygraphs) - the whole nudity thing started after a few too many beers and an impromptu game of "guys and gals trade swimsuit bottoms."
Problem is, apparently nobody went over the rules of that game with Morey. You see, you're supposed to change bottoms under water, parade around for a bit in your opposite gender swimsuit bottoms, return to the water and change back. Well, that's where officer d-bag went awry.
Seems that after parading around in a woman's thong, Morey emerged from the water sans-bottoms and proceeded to park his junk on someone else's boat - much to their disliking.
This is where probably the best line from the entire 18-page report was found....
When one witness was asked specifically if he saw officer Morey's exposed penis, the witness claimed that he's not certain if it was a penis or a thumb! (insert 'shrinkage' episode from Seinfeld)
The entire incident might have never escalated to a criminal investigation had officer d-bag not asserted his police status and not gone around taking photos of the complaining party's boat numbers and making them feel as though he was going to be vindictive.
Investigators also noted that after the investigation began, officer Morey's phone data indicated that he intentionally went onto Facebook and looked up the profile of one of the individuals who filed a complaint against him.
According to news media reports, a warrant has been issued for Morey's arrest, he is currently on paid administrative leave and he has already turned over his badge and gun.
A quick review of public documents indicates that officer Morey's 'issues' with alcohol may have started at an early age. It looks like back in 2004, when Morey was only 19, he was busted and charged in Oklahoma County with minor in possession of low point beer. That charged was eventually settled with a deferred sentence.
Morey currently lists a home address in the 2600 block of Michael Drive in Edmond.
Morey, an Edmond Memorial High School grad, joined the Edmond Police Department in 2011 after previously serving as a police officer for Guthire PD from 2008-2011.
Oh, on a positive note, officer Morey was video recorded saving baby ducks from an Edmond storm drain back in April!
Here's a tip Officer Morey, the next time you are tempted to arrest some lowly UCO student whose had a little too much to drink and is making an ass out of himself - remember this little speed bump in your career and cut a guy a break! (who are we kidding, your ass is probably fired - I hear Valley Brook PD is always hiring)
JohnTV will continue to follow this case.